Monday, June 25, 2007

Open Letter to Vidalia Onions

Hey, vidalia onions? Fuck you.

You're all like, "Heyyyy, look at meeee, I am sooo nice. I am not oniony AT ALL." Well, y'know what? You're an onion -- be an onion!

"But I'm so sweet!"

If I want sweet, I will eat an apple dipped in powdered sugar. Your motto should be: Vidalias. The onion for people who do not like onions. You are like a ball of white bread.

"That's okay. You can call me that. I'm so nice and accommodating."

Vidalia onions, you have no self-respect. It's just sad.

Sincerely,
Jordan

P.S. If you want to know how an onion should behave, white onions are where it's at. You could learn a lot from white onions.

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