You are so, so delicious. Other things are delicious, too -- some of them in multiple ways. But you! You are delicious in over 6 ways.
- Sweet -- Because corn syrup makes everything better.
- Tangy -- Both in terms of vinegariness and sour creamitude.
- Salty -- You are of the sea, after all.
- Creamy -- Sure, you're high in fat, but I eat you in such small portions, for you are just a snack!
- Crunchy -- Whoever thought of putting onions in you should get the Nobel Food Prize. Sometimes, I add more onions to the jar! That's a lie. But I have thought about it.
- Chewy -- You are a special kind of chewy: The kind of chewy that really makes me want to chew. Thank you for your special chewiness.
They say you are one of those foods you have to grow up with to enjoy, but I don't know. I mean, sure, you're a little...unusual. But I would think that anyone willing to give you a shot would overcome that unusualness pretty quick. It's part of what makes you, you.
Do you remember the time I went to that Yom Kippur break fast at Hampshire College? Yeah, it was a while ago. Well, I was feeling a little awkward. A little unsure of whether or not I even wanted to be there. But then, I saw a whole bowl of you. You made me feel safe and, ultimately, a lot less hungry.
Pickled Herring in Sour Cream, thank you for being there for me then, now and always.
Sincerely,
Jordan
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